I would have loved to share this with you in person, but there is no way I could have kept my composure well enough to communicate effectively. I should be sleeping, but I find myself lying awake, unpacking an incredibly meaningful evening, weekend, and month.
I know most of you don’t know my story, but if I may dare to be be bold and honest (which I feel I can do since we are family), I’ll tell you that I’m in the midst of the absolute hardest time of my life. Maybe I’m more of an open book than I think I am, or maybe you’ve been though the fire yourself and can just recognize that look from a mile away, or maybe you’re just good people, but by the grace of God, and probably without knowing it, you have all been a lifeline to me. You’ve been, as Sandi says each night, the hands, the feet, the skin of Jesus. I am amazed at His faithfulness to me in the midst of what could easily destroy me. Even though I was hired for my musical skills, I have genuinely felt seen for more than just my ability to play the correct notes, in time and with the correct feel (an ability I question regularly). If this was just a business, I’d have been just a means to a musical end, but it’s a family, and you made a place for me in it. I love Colossians 3:17 because it assures us that it’s not the what that matters so much, but rather the Who and the why. My what was playing keys for a time. And now it’s something else for the next season. But no matter the what, we will always all have Who and why in common, and that’s what makes us a family.
There have been so many meaningful lyrics to me, but I keep coming back to this one: “The arms that hold the world will never let you go.” I cannot comprehend how He could love someone as broken and imperfect as me, but I know this: those arms have looked and felt a lot like yours this past four weeks. Be encouraged that you have loved well. Know you are loved deeply.
Much like Mary after the shepherds’ visit, I will treasure these pots, pans, and things (embellishment mine) and continue to ponder them in my heart.
Let’s do this again.